You may not know this about me...

...in fact, no one knew this about me until pretty recently. I was married to my husband for about 3 years before I told him. I just told my parents about a month ago, and my sister and close friends just found out earlier this week. I kept a pretty dark secret for a very long time. I guess I thought I could get through it myself and no one would ever have to know. But, I RECENTLY realized this was a forever thing...something I am always going to have.

I have an eating disorder.

There. I said it. The hardest part is admitting it. 

Years ago, I thought I might. I knew my habits were not healthy, I did seek help from a nutritionist, but I never really said to myself - "This is me." Obviously the signs were there...

This was one of my college books from back in 2000-2001. I came across it at the beginning of this year. As I was showing my son how big college books were, I started flipping through it to show him how I took notes on the pages and hi-lited what was important for me to know. 

But I found it odd to find that there were no notes on the pages, and there was nothing hi-lited. It was as if I never used this book before. But I know I had. And then, I flipped to the following pages. The only hi-lited pages of this book. And I had to walk away from my son so he wouldn't see me cry. 

It all came back to me. The years of feeling so alone. The years of trying ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to lose weight...not eating, diet pill after diet pill (over the counter and from infomercials), weight watchers (which i had success with, but still wasn't healthy), joining weight loss studies, and the one that stuck with me - BINGE EATING...when I say I tried it all, I tried it all. Normally, those with this disorder will eat, in a period of time (say 2 hours), more than anyone is recommended to eat in a day, feeling like they don't have control over stopping, and eat until they really can't anymore. They'll eat faster than normal, until uncomfortably full, when not hungry, alone, and feel disgusted or depressed afterwards. And for me, once the guilt kicked in and the food settled, I'd head to the gym and exercise excessively to burn the calories. But on more than several occasions, when I was the only one home, i'd eat a box of those stupid "chicken biscuit" crackers, some PB with it, some chocolate my parents had in the house...all of that, then go to the gym. And, that's all i'd eat in a day. There'd be days at my old college job where I was the only one in the office and eat a 1/2 to a whole thing of animal crackers. Then I'd have to run to the store to buy more to fill it up so no one would notice they were gone. And york peppermint patties...frozen or not I'd eat a whole bag of them, too. The list goes on. I remember times having plans to go out to eat with friends, and I'd not eat all day so I could enjoy dinner. OR, I'd have binged earlier in the day, and ended up not eating much at dinner because THAT part would make me gain weight. Then I'd get the comments "You never eat, Kristen..." and would think "If only you knew...if only you knew..."

 And you guys, I wasn't even fat or that overweight.

Me in 2000 or 2001.

My weight fluctuated A LOT back then. My lightest weight was probably 125lbs (i don't even remember), as a size 8 and at my heaviest I was at about 180lbs, as a size 18 (that i remember well). I'm 5'7", so I was usually always within a healthy weight range for my height, but I was far from healthy.

So, I say I have an eating disorder, but to be honest, it's undiagnosed/self-diagnosed. Back then, I was too scared to get help when I needed it the most. I thought something was wrong with me and, as I mentioned above, I was hoping I could fix it myself. But here I am, many years later, and though I have found something that does keep me from binge-ing more than anything ever has before, I DO STILL BINGE. 

And yes, I'm slightly embarrassed putting this all out there for anyone to read, but I know there are people out there who are reading this who are going through the same exact thing. And I want to tell those people this...

You aren't alone. Don't be scared. Go get help. I spent so much time struggling with this...YEARS...don't make the same mistake I did. Yes, binge eating is the most common eating disorder there is, but that doesn't make it OK. It makes me want to find everyone out there suffering from this and give you a big ole' HUG and say "I understand." Because I do understand. And sometimes you need just ONE person to be able to tell - stranger or not - and for them to be able to say "I understand" back, and you have this HUGE release off your shoulders. I promise you it will make you feel SO much better. So, if you need that person, I'm here. If not me, find that SOMEONE you can tell. They are out there, and they won't judge you.

I won't go on to say the "Beachbody saved me" or "cured" me from Binge Eating Disorder, but I will say that there's never been anything like the programs, the support, the relationships, the community, the love that Beachbody has to offer that has kept me from binge-ing. Everything about Beachbody is everything I was looking for and more. Trust me, I FREAKED OUT when I started on my journey and realized how much food I was supposed to eat. The "dieter" in me said "You eat all that food, you'll gain more weight." It wasn't until I tried it, and realized it may be a lot of food - but it's the right kind of food - that I started believing. My dieter mentality is no more. THIS has been a lifestyle change for me. And each day I'm shown that Beachbody knows where it's at, and I'm so blessed to be a part of this company. I'd say it was a good year on Shakeology and doing Beachbody programs before I had a binge eating episode. Before starting with Beachbody, i was still binge-ing 1-2x a week. From July 2013 through August/September 2014 - I hadn't binged at all. But I have since then...a couple times...but each time I recognize it more, I TRY to have more control, I TRY not to feel guilt. I've learned that it is going to be a forever struggle with me. I'm not perfect. I know what triggers my binge-ing episodes, and I'm learning new ways to deal with it better. Every time I do binge, I text my husband (because I only binge when I'm home alone), and he and I talk about why I did, etc. It helps. But if you're looking for support...if you're looking for help with any type of eating disorder or for something that can help you make a healthy, lifestyle change, please come talk to me. I'd love to answer any questions you have about my story, I'd love to hear your story, and I'd love to share with you more about why Beachbody has changed my life.  

This is me today. Happy. Healthy. But yes, I still suffer from Binge Eating Disorder.
Email me if you're looking for support: KM.LetItGo@gmail.com
(I am not a Dr, psyciatrist, nutritionist, etc.
I am a health & fitness coach who LOVES helping others on their path to living a healthy, more ful-filling life :)  ) 

So many WHY's...this is one...

I posted that status this morning after battling back and forth about staying longer with him or staying on time and going into work. I fight that battle every morning whether the kids are up in my bed or not :/ I've struggled with it for 10 years now. 

I NEVER wanted to be a working mom. NEVER EVER. 

That being said, it was what happened AFTER this that got me even more determined than when I posted the status. It's something that confirmed my WHY of wanting to be home with my kids. 

On the way into work I was listening to personal development (PD). Lately, my PD has been Joel Osteen. (side note: I've never been big into talking about religion, but have always felt a tug inside to follow it more closely. Until becoming a coach, I never listened to that tug. Since listening to the tug, it's just continued to get stronger and i LOVE the feelings I get by listening to Joel, christian music, etc. I'll talk more about this later.) This morning, Joel was talking to me. He said what I needed to hear, and I heard it loud and clear. 

It was all about setting GOALS, no matter how far out of reach you think they are, and GROWING into the person who WILL reach those goals that God put in your heart. 

And so, when I got into work, I posted something about that on my Facebook page.

"If you're not seeing what God put into your spirit, if you aren't yet living it, keep moving forward. 

Where you are now is only temporary. Keep growing."

As if that wasn't enough to get me moving towards my goals even more, I opened my email to catch up on my "Darren Dailys" and THIS was the first one I heard! :) 

Ironic?! Maybe. God doing his work? Definitely! 

The 21 Day Fix EXTREME

Autumn Calabrese has done it again! First with The 21 Day Fix - such a HUGE fitness and nutrition breakthrough when it was released Feb. of 2014. It's been one of the BEST selling programs that Beachbody has released to date. It sold out in 2 days and was on back order for over 2 months! I did the program and the containers haven't left my side since. I've witnessed so much success with this program - through myself and others - that it's still a #1 seller!

So is it any surprise that Beachbody decided to turn up the heat and team up with Autumn AGAIN to bring us the 21 Day Fix Extreme?! I think not!

21 DAY FIX EXTREME: OVERVIEW

While the same concepts will be used that are formed in the original 21 Day Fix, the Extreme takes it up a notch (or 2, or 10). The workouts are more advanced and the meal planning system has NO CHEATS or TREATS this time around. But, if you like to SWEAT (and even if you don't), they'll be plenty of that! 

You'll still be using those lovely 7 different colored containers for your daily meals and portion control. These containers are each a different size, each for a different food group, and you'll use these to measure how which foods and how much of them you should be eating each day. The amount of each container you use per day is calculated based on your weight and an average calorie burn of 450 per workout. This is what a typical "EXTREME" day would look like for someone on the lowest calorie plan (1200-1499):

3 Green - your Veggies

4 Red - your Protein

2 Purple - your Fruits

2 Yellow - your Carbs/Starches

1 Blue - your Cheeses/nuts

1 Orange - Seeds & Dressings

2tsp - Oils and Nut Butters

It's exactly the same as your regular 21 Day Fix allowance. But, the DIFFERENCE comes in what you are actually putting IN those containers. All of the "questionable" unclean, high fat, or high sodium items from the original fix have been removed. But, by making these small changes, you will be fine tuning your nutrition and your results will go up a notch (or 2, or 10) as well!

21 DAY FIX EXTREME: MEAL PLAN OPTIONS

Okay, so with the EXTREME, you get TWO options to choose from when doing the program:

* Extreme

* Countdown to Competition

EXTREME

The Extreme plan uses the structure of the 21 Day Fix. Simple as that. Just remember, NO CHEATS or TREATS. 

COUNTDOWN to COMPETITION

This plan right here is what Autumn uses herself to prepare to compete on stage. The philosophy behind it is that you carb deplete for 2 days and then you have a regular "Extreme" eating day and then you carb deplete another 2 days followed by another regular "Extreme" day, and so on. You would do that for the first 18 days and then the last 3 days are all carb deplete days to really give you that chiseled look!

This is what a "competition" day looks like for someone in the lowest caloried plan (1200 - 1499):

3 Green - your Veggies

6 Red - your Proteins

1 Yellow - your Starches and Carbs

3tsp - Coconut oil (or 1 Blue container of avocado)

On this plan you will eat 8 times a day. Yes, you read that right, EIGHT times!

21 DAY FIX EXTREME: WORKOUTS & WORKOUT SCHEDULE

 While the naming remains pretty much the same for the workouts, they are just as they are described - EXTREME. They will work your body from head to toe. You will be doing Plyo, Upper, Pilates, Lower, Cardio, and Dirty 30 all with the use of WEIGHTS. The use of weights really increase the intensity of your workouts and the calories burn you produce because your muslces are engaged the ENTIRE time. You will have weights in your hand about 90% of the time. Yoga is the only one that doesn't involve weights.

Think you're ready to take on this program? I'd LOVE to be with you throughout your journey! 

And, go ahead and print your own copy of the workout calendar here:

PB Chocolate Trail Mix Bars

Peanut butter.

Chocolate.

Need I say more?

I guess I should since you're here for the recipe ;) Let's get down to busiess!!!!

Ingredients:
~ 2/3 cup whole almonds
~  2/3 cup whole cashews
~ 1 1/2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
~ 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips
~ 1/3 cup dried cranberries
~ 1/3 cup raisins
~ 1/2 cup honey
~ 1 cup natural peanut butter, melted

Directions: 
(soooo easy!)
~ Put ALL ingredients into a blender/food processor.

~ Blend until mixed together


~ Line an 8x8 pan with parchment paper.
Leave a little extra on the sides as "handles" for removing the bars when they are finished.
~ Scoop the mixture from the processor to the bowl.

 

~  Pack it down nice and tight. Place in the fridge for at least 1 hour.

~ Cut into 16 squares. 

They may be stored at room temperature for up to 10 days, 

or in the fridge for 2 weeks (We prefer the fridge in our house!). 

So, if you are a Weight Watchers fan, I went ahead and calculated those points for you! :)
1 bar = 5pts


Let me know how they are when you try them! :)


P.S. - incase you're wondering why the first photo of the bars are thinner then the last photo, it's because I used the wrong size pan the first time I made them! Oops! They are still good either way, but the WW pts are based off of the bigger bars!